“We wants it. We needs it. Must have the precious…”

Sound familiar?

The voice is unmistakable, whether you first heard it whispered in the dark of a cinema or murmured in the corners of your mind during moments of desire.

That voice?

It’s shame, disguised as protection.

The voice inside so many of us has been made to believe that wanting is wrong. That longing must be hidden. That pleasure must be earned - or punished.

And just like Gollum, we split.

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The Erotic Exile: When Pleasure Becomes Forbidden

When shame is baked into our sexuality by culture, religion, trauma, or upbringing, it doesn’t disappear.

So what happens when you don't consciously attend to sexual shame healing?

It mutates.

We may still crave connection, but hide it behind cool detachment.

We may hunger for touch, but flinch when it arrives.

We may fantasise vividly, but feel guilt even in the fantasy.

We exile our erotic selves.

Like Gollum (The Lord of the Rings), we crawl into caves of secrecy, calling it control, safety, and independence.

But underneath, a truth gnaws: We want love. We want touch. We want to be seen.

And because that truth has been cast in shadow for too long, we don’t always know how to receive it when it comes. Or worse, we believe we don’t deserve it.

This fragmentation - the split between desire and worthiness, between the sensual and the sacred - is where disconnection begins.

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What We Miss When Shame Shapes Our Sexuality

So what exactly does shame steal?

It’s not just orgasms. It’s not just wild, body-melting nights (although yes, those too). It’s…

• The softness of being held without judgment.

• The courage to ask for what you want.

• The ease of fully being in your body - not watching it, not fixing it, but inhabiting it.

• The curiosity to explore your own edges without fear of being “too much.”

• The presence that turns sex from performance into poetry.

When guilt and shame nest in the subconscious, they hijack our erotic blueprint.

The nervous system stays in a low-level freeze. Breath stays shallow. Muscles clench. Touch becomes transactional or avoided altogether.

Science backs this.

A 2020 study published in Frontiers in Psychology found that individuals with high internalized sexual shame experience increased amygdala activity (the brain’s fear center) during erotic stimuli - meaning their bodies literally interpret arousal as threat. Simultaneously, researchers observed suppressed activity in the ventral striatum, the reward region - suggesting a dampened capacity for pleasure.

Translation?

Shame numbs us.

Guilt warps desire into secrecy.

And trauma teaches the body that surrender isn’t safe.

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The Gollum Within: A Metaphor of the Fragmented Erotic Self

Let’s talk Gollum.

He wasn’t always a creature of shadows and whispers.

He was once Sméagol - gentle, joyful, in love with the world.

But obsession, secrecy, and shame twisted his form.

He split in two - one side yearning, the other loathing the yearning.

Sound familiar?

That’s the erotic exile in action.

The part of you that aches for sensual awakening.

And the part of you that tells yourself, “Not yet. Not like this. Not you.”

The Gollum voice is sneaky. It can sound like:

• “I need to look perfect before I let someone see me naked.”

• “If I ask for what I want, they’ll think I’m weird.”

• “I should just be grateful for any intimacy - I can’t be too picky.”

• “Pleasure is a luxury. Not for people like me.”

This split isn’t your fault.

It’s a survival strategy.

But darling, it’s not your truth.

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The Science of Shame & The Body’s Response

When we feel safe, the vagus nerve - the superhighway between brain and body - flows openly.

The parasympathetic system activates. Blood flows to the skin. Arousal rises. Pleasure is possible.

But under chronic shame or guilt? That vagal tone collapses.

The body tightens. The breath shortens. The pelvis locks.

It’s called dorsal vagal shutdown, and it’s what happens when the body decides it’s not safe to feel.

Therapies like Somatic Experiencing and Internal Family Systems (IFS) now understand: healing doesn’t begin with pushing past shame. It begins with befriending the parts that hold it.

In IFS, the Gollum inside isn’t exiled - it’s invited.

Seen. Held. Told, “You were just trying to protect me. But I’m safe now.”

This isn’t bypassing.

It’s rewiring.

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Pleasure as Medicine: Reclaiming What Was Yours All Along

Here’s the truth, crystalline and unavoidable:

Pleasure isn’t a reward.

It’s a right.

And when we reorient to that truth - gently, slowly, with reverence - our body begins to respond.

A 2023 study in Neuropsychologia showed that embodied practices like mindful self-touch, breathwork, and sensual meditation restored neural pathways associated with positive self-image and decreased cortisol levels in individuals with histories of sexual shame.

In other words?

Pleasure heals.

And you don’t need to leap straight into the deep end.

You can start like this:

Close the door.

Light a candle.

Play music that makes your hips curious.

Touch yourself - not to climax, but to connect.

Trace the places shame made you abandon.

Whisper to them: “I’m here now. I remember you.”

Cry, laugh, tremble, moan.

Let your body speak.

Not to someone else.

To you.

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From Fragmented to Whole: The Erotic Return

When you begin to integrate and heal the Gollum within - not silence him, not shame him, but soothe him - you reclaim the parts of yourself that shame stole.

You become less reactive.

More present.

More turned on by life itself.

The skin softens.

The gaze strengthens.

The voice finds a new frequency - one soaked in truth, not performance.

You no longer need to beg for connection.

You become connection.

And maybe, just maybe…

You begin to feel ready for something else.

Something subtle.

Something electrifying.

Something built not just to stimulate, but to transform.

(But… let’s not spoil the surprise. Yet.)

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The Invitation

So if you’ve felt fragmented - split between longing and loathing, between wanting and withholding - know this:

You are not broken.

You are not unworthy.

You are not “too much.”

You are healing.

You are returning.

You are remembering what it means to be whole.

And when shame comes knocking again, whisper back:

“I see you, Gollum. But I’ve met my inner Sméagol.

And he’s making love to the light now.”

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COSMIC SENSATION

Crafted for reclamation.

Designed for return.

Because your pleasure was never the problem.

It was always the portal.

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Let this be your erotic permission slip.

Let this be your yes.

To softness. To sensation. To sovereignty.

To the sacred truth that your body, just as it is, is a cosmic sensation.

Always was.

Always will be.